Lacking sponteniety? Or fear of the past...

I’m back home and I had a good night. It was fun. Everyone from work was there. I was placed on a table with the football agent who I’ve told you is one of the partners at my work place. It’s a bit of a joke around the office that I am single and that I kinda want to meet someone. The agent is now trying to set me up with one of the footballers he represents. That really wasn’t on my mind. One of the artsy, booksy people whose accounts my other bosses look after is really what I’d like to meet. Of course, since I’m not looking for a relationship ( She says. No, I’m not. Really) I guess a randy footballer with the stamina of an Ox would do for one night of fun. But what would we talk about ? Ahh, yes, we probably wouldn’t. Don't I mind that? I do mind, really, yes.

I’m going north again tomorrow. I’m really looking forward to it! It’s so nice to get out of London at times. I miss the European weekend breaks that Sexless used to take me on. Those times were so glamourous, he had the money and imagination to be able to make it such - but sexless, as his name suggests. Oh well... Things change, we’re still close, but we’ll never go away for another holiday together. It’s a pity in some senses, but so what, eh? The main thing is that we still care immensely for each other. Sexless has just gone to Miami for a couple of weeks, lucky so-and-so. I asked him ( tongue in cheek) if I could go with him. He laughed and said:‘ Noooo, baby! You can’t! ’spoken like a big girl. He’s lovely, he is.

So, something’s gotta give over here - and next time unlike my time with Blue, it won’t be me, me, me,me... I’ve really got to get some action. I’m feeling physically stagnant. Dunno if my current excessive hornyness is due to my being due on, or if it’s just that I haven’t had sex for a few weeks. Grrr! What to do... What to do..? There is one person who I suppose I could ride – but I don’t actually know him. I’d like to see what he has to offer – but he keeps suggesting that we meet up, and it’s really late by the time we’ve both finished work. I’d feel weird meeting someone, when I know we’ve both got sex on our minds, late at night. It’s too close to my past. Well, that's the reason I’m sticking to... that, or maybe I lack spontaneity with these things these days. I don’t know, I don’t know...
I lived so spontaneously in the past that I like to be more controlled with my actions, today.
Do you think I live too much in my past? Am I too scared to let go of it totally, and put it to one side, do you think? How much of your past influences you? Or does it depend on how traumatic your past experiences were? I mean, without your past who would you be? You see, I just have no idea who I’d be...

Maybe that’s what I’m scared of finding out...







http://www.missygee.com

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1